I am writing todays blog without a scripture because I have not one in mind.
Instead I am asking for prayer. I have an adult child that is 25 years old. He has had an addiction problem for many years now. I have done my absolute best to help him. I have paid for rehabs, taken him in time and time again to help get him clean and get his life back on track. Spending so much time in prayer for him, with him. Sharing God’s word, God’s love and patience. We have as a congregation prayed for him in church, laid hands on him and saw God reach my son and speak to him..
But unfortunately his flesh and anger still continues to prevail. He has a problem with listening to any help we offer him, he always chooses to do things his way, which always results to the same chaos that keeps him in bondage.
He has a spirit of rebellion with any advice I give him. He continues to choose behavior (the typicals) lieing, steeling, the blame game, such as he is the victim in every circumstance. His anger is so great that he destroys things, physically punches walls injuring his hands and body..
Yelling at me with a rage unlike anything I have ever witnessed. I love my son so much and want so much to help him but i am lost with what to do.
I have not allowed him or his behavior back into my home for a few months now. A close friend of mine took him in. My son has told us that he no longer wants to live a life of addiction and wants help. We have on many occasions made a way for him to get into a inpatient recovery program. He however turns them down after weeks of waiting for a bed to come available.
While staying with me friend be continues to choose his free will, exhibiting all the same selfish behaviors to the point he has nowhere to go.
Yesterday he had an opportunity to get into a Christian based recovery program with the Salvation Army (6 month commitment). When i was doing my best to offer him advice, he once again lost control and took it out on me.
I left him downtown and drove away heartbroken. He showed up hours later at my house and I asked him to leave. I will not let him inside despite that it is close to freezing outside. I gave him a tent, sleeping bags and an electric blanked. Made him something to eat and left him outside.
I lay in bed all night in tears with a broken heart feeling broken. But i try to remind myself that I can’t get through to him, he refuses anything that will help change his life for the better. His self-will and flesh appears to be greater, he grieves the Holy Spirit.
I have spent 4 years writing daily Christian devotions. Most of that time working a full-time job, being a full time caregiver for my mother which recently passed and dealing with the chaos of my sons self-will and addictions. My marriage is stressed and relationship with my wife not where it needs to be.
I am exhausted and mentally broken, I need prayer first for my son and then for myself… needing prayer for my spirit, my marriage, health, finances and understanding at my place of employment. My relationship with my two other children..
Im not sure I have it in me to continue to wtite daily. I ask myself “how can I help others when I can’t help my own child?” I continue to lean on Jesus.
I need Jesus’ devine intervention.
Please forgive me for not having a word of encouragement in a devotion today.
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